I guess the best place to start is now and fill in the back story as I go.

Today, some dirty bastard pulled the condom off and blew inside me and I didn’t realise until after he had left.

How’s that for an opening sentence??!! Grab ya?

I wish it were fiction. I just spent all the cash in my wallet getting the morning after pill from the chemist, (plus some other things I needed), since I’m not on other contraceptives, and I’m pretty f**king pissed about it to be honest. Not to mention repulsed beyond description.

I just had a full check up on Friday too!!!! I’m so outraged, I was clean as a whistle, of course, and now I not only feel revolting, I’ve been “contaminated” with a stranger’s internal juices. Oh my f**king God, that’s soooooo disgusting!

Out of the measly $60 I received for servicing that creep, I had to pay $40 of it for emergency contraceptive and there’s pretty much nothing I can do about it.

Yep, that’s cool man, I’m stoked.

So, how did I end up in this predicament?

Quite simply, last year took the trophy for “Worst Year Ever” in my life, and I’ve had some pretty shitty years along the way. This trophy was previously held by 2000, where I had a relationship end, found out I had cancer and a few other messed up things which I forget at this moment in time, but obviously pale in comparison to 2016. Good old 2016 involved actual hunger and distress on a primal level, not just mental and emotional trauma.

I lost my job May last year, got another one quite rapidly and was getting on top on things, then I discovered my new employers were actually abusive arseholes so I walked on them, thinking I’d get another job no problem. After all, I’ve always been one of those people that nails job interviews, I’ve had two interviews ever where I haven’t gotten the job, so I was pretty confident.

Well, four months and 130 job applications later, not one more interview, Christmas was coming up and boy, was I regretting my stuck up response to being employed by a bitch. If I had known that I would still be unemployed and hungry by November, I totally would have put up with her shit!

Anyway, by this time, I had actually reached nervous breakdown stage, as although I was receiving the Solo Parent Allowance, I had expenses created from before I was receiving the allowance that I wasn’t eligible for extra help with, a hire purchase agreement that needed $40 per week, a car on credit which I pay $92 a week for and I was dealing with a psychotic control freak at the power company who refused to lower my power payments below $90 a week with the threat that if I didn’t pay the full amount every week, she would have my power disconnected the day after my payday.

She was cool too, I really liked her, I always felt so happy after we spoke…

As I was saying, my expenses were out of control when compared to my income, the result being, if I paid all my bills, I had $25 per week left from my allowance to purchase food, petrol and any other expenses that I needed to cover throughout the week. Needless to say, I skipped heaps to create food money, I ended up in the shit, sad story, blah blah blah.

A self-created mess, totally owned and acknowledged by me, but a mess it was and I was getting backed further and further into a corner. I hardly remember what I did with myself I was so miserable. I recall just lying in bed in the dark the whole time, but I must have done other things, as I also remember doing everything I could to generate cash without reverting to being a hooker.

The fact I was even considering it was messing with my head. I went through hell after I quit last time. Losing all that disposable income and the party life all for the sake of being a good example to my little girl cost me my comfortable¬†life, party times and self esteem too, as I lost a lot of “friends” along the way, which got to me with the psychological issues I was suffering at the time. Plus, I was terrified that going back to the game would lead me straight back to the drugs, and I’m done with that mental world.

Don’t get me wrong, I still like to party, occasionally, but hooking means disposable income, which means it’s nothing to party, plus… “I need my drugs to handle the hooking”. I was terrified of “needing” A Class substances and going back to being lost in that world. I was never into downers and needles and I wasn’t the worst kind of junkie, but a junkie I pretty much ended up by the time I walked away from it all. Loved my meth, yummy, yummy. Bad for my brain though, I’m STILL in physical recovery from all my binges, I’ve done so much damage. I’m still not sure if it was worth it…

So, when a few things happened that led me to the realisation I could go back on the game and successfully stay off the A Class, it gave me a kind of freedom. The food parcels from the mission and 0800 Hungry were good, but not enough, my bills had all gone to different collection agencies and my sanity seemed to have run for the hills. Suddenly, it no longer mattered that I was “going backward”, we had full tummies! I could pay my bills! I had PETROL in my car!! I didn’t feel like my life was OVER ANYMORE!!!! Wow, it was fantastic.

My daughter even got Christmas presents! It was pretty cool actually (not being sarcastic this time) and since then it’s been all up with a couple of plateaus here and there. I even have my car repaired and road legal again, which cost me $500, so I’ve definitely moved forward since starting in late November.

There’s lot more detail obviously, but you get the picture. Desperate mum can’t feed her family anymore so goes on the game to survive.

And here I am!

Back to today’s disgust with what I put up with for my money. I so totally do not charge enough!

Now I’ve vented, I’m empty and can think of nothing to add, so I will post this as it is. I’m sure more will come to me and I really hope you enjoy the read.

Signed

Missy X

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