Where Are All The Johns?

1830 hours

It’s been a very quiet week. So far, I did a quickie yesterday and one today. I just had booking confirm for a blowjob in about forty five minutes, he threw me off by asking if his wife could watch. I’m a little intimidated so I required an extra $20 to accommodate the voyeurism. I must rush off and give the house a quick once over before they get here, then I’ll finish this post after the job. I think there’s a hell of a lot more than an hour’s worth of writing in this post. Back soon…

1930 hours

Well, that couldn’t have gone better for the blog. They haven’t texted for the street number yet, I would say it’s another dud booking. What the hell is going on for me? It seriously feels as though I have a universal energy block regarding generating cash at the moment. It’s been harder and harder to land bookings over the last few weeks. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong? I’ve tried changing up my advert, using different advertising spaces, with limited and extremely short term success, and now I’ve gone back to my ad that worked the best for a long time. Still nothing. One of my best regulars has disappeared into the mists of my past, and even though I have probably about ten loyal clients who will keep coming to see me as long I have my number active, due to the fact they are intermittent and far from weekly each, I’m finding that I’m having some very broke stretches in between work.

It’s the kid’s birthday next week, and I have literally nothing sorted for it yet. I paid for her to get her nose pierced (blech), but she’s already had it done, so there’s nothing to make her feel special, just from me, for the actual day. I’m sweating a little over it, as it’s far from my only bill now the car has been written off and I’ve done stupid things like take out a loan in my name to help a friend out who was in “trouble”. That’s the kind of shit I do for my mates, I’m such a muppet!

Dammit, i really needed this booking as I’ve spent all the aforementioned earned cash on house maintenance things and have literally a dollar to my name right now. It feels very uncomfortable!

I want to go to sleep and not wake up until a genuine client makes an immediate booking and is due to arrive.

2030 hours

Well, what do you know? That couple just left! Sooooo glad to have a little cash in my wallet, I can breathe again. I think I will just update the blog as things happen, maybe it will give me a better, more realistic idea of how much money I earn as I think perhaps my reality is distorted by the eternal feeling of “lack” that resides within me. I really need to clear it as it’s affected and influenced my life for as long as I remember, and someone like me, with the intelligence level and education I have, should be exuding excess in financial wealth at this stage of my life.

Days later…

I did another couple of jobs today, thank the General Overall Director, I was beginning to feel extremely stressed about the birthday this week and I could see no way of getting enough money together to make her day.

I’m still struggling to understand what’s happened to my market, the only thing I can put it down to, is that I just went through a quiet patch, and I’m on my way back up? Mysterious.

A week later again…

Well, it turns out that my market is just fine, I’m doing very nicely again now I’m advertising in the paper regularly, all I can put it down to is “market fluctuation” haha. I do find it interesting that things seem to get slow with my income right as something important financially occurs. Psychosomatic symptoms? Wouldn’t surprise me in the slightest. Goethe said “As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.” Maybe I fall down in the self trust department? Something to think about, as I’m a firm believer in the power of the mind regarding manifestation in one’s life.

I wonder how many others this principle affects? I hope you’re free from the curse of lack of self trust.

Yours,

Missy X